Take this job and shove it!

Take this job and shove it...I ain't workin here no more. I don't mean to offend you but I'm walking out the door! Finally, after 5 long years I am saying goodbye to Lifeway. I have recently been hired by corporate headquarters of Colonial Bank as a customer service agent! I am so glad that I will finally have a real job! It pays two dollars more an hour plus offers financial bonuses regularly. (Not to mention that bank holidays are the BEST!) I will have medical, dental and vision insurance and enough income to pay off those pesky student loans. If things go as planned I will look into buying a car. I already have my eyes on a Jeep Liberty. I'm so excited about this new part of my life. If only I could find the right church! I'll write more later. I just wanted to give an update. By the way, all of you seminary students need to update your blogs! I'm getting tired of reading the same old posts! :) I miss you.

In the Muck!

If you would have asked me a year ago where I would be in life....it would have been anywhere but here! Just one year ago I was in Fort Worth at Seminary and seemingly on the right path headed straight for ministry. I had so much fun last summer. I can tell you that I will never regret my seminary experience because of so many great people that I was able to fellowship with. My seminary friends you are dear to me and I'm thankful for you all. You have taught me so much and we sure did have a lot of fun. I'm also thankful for the support you still give me even though we are far away. I was thinking today after rereading my last posting about the road not taken and was reminded again of how God often works in my life. (And many other people I have talked to.) You see the thing about the road not taken is that it is not clearly paved. Yes, there are structural stabilities in that it will lead to somewhere and that eventually, over time, you will get to that somewhere. It is the same with life. You can choose the road that is clearly marked where the goal is easier to see and ever visual....or you can choose the path that holds the most surprises. In choosing to follow Christ, and yearning for the direction that God would have me to follow, I have chosen the road less traveled by and it will make the difference. I've often used the analogy of the Christian life as a maze. It seems that you are correctly headed in the right direction and reach a door only to find that the next step is to the right and down another corridor. If you weren't heading to the first door then you would never have found that corridor and the next step in solving the maze. It is the same with the road less traveled. I sort of imagine God with a machete, much like the one my dad got me from Saudi Arabia, waiting for me to come to the right place and then WACK, down go the pesky undergrowth that threatens your progress! Its rather exciting...at least most of the time it is. Sometimes you find yourself traveling through the muck and the mud that would never have existed on the well traveled road. Yet inevitably you find yourself in a place of utter amazement of the Creator. You learn to appreciate Him, the muck and mud, the horrid undergrowth, the twists and the turns, and the unpredictable path that tought you through the journey. I am truly thankful for the muck and the mud because you only know the bad after experiencing the good!

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Here is to the road not taken and knowing the difference!!

One down.....another disappointment!

Today began my search for a church. I decided to step outside of the denomination that I am accustomed to and visit a Methodist church. After all, I think that denominations are just another way to separate God's church! (However, I fully understand the reason for their existence.) So I walk in the church with a friend a little before the service started. There was another service ending as we arrived so my friend and I decided to explore a bit. We walked down the hallway and saw the youth room and what looked to be a little bookstore. (Which seems to be more and more common in today's churches and a subject that I might write more on later.) I was looking at the books when I saw some anointing oil for sale, this isn't too out of the ordinary for me but I was surprised to see it at the Methodist church. Who knew? I kept looking on this product table when I saw another item that they were selling. It was some sort of bath care line or something called Abba. Um.....They were selling Shower Gel at the church and the line of products was basically called Father??? Perhaps this shouldn't have had the effect on me that it did, but from that moment on I was a little less than excited about my first attempt to find a church. I was momentarily reminded of the time when Jesus overturned the temple because of the market being held in it. Pushing that thought aside my friend and I went into the auditorium. It was dimly lit to assist in a worshipful atmosphere and was somewhat smaller than I had imagined. The praise band started and I tried to get into the worship but it was the same ole praise songs done the same ole way. After a while these songs loose their meaning because they are way overdone. I guess it is just like the law of diminishing returns....Which happens to be the only thing I learned in Economics class. The preacher gets up and starts talking about this medical mission trip to Brazil, which I am super interested in since I love Brazil. Then he goes on and on about Brazilian Methodists and how they love to worship and we Methodist need to worship like those Methodist, Methodist, Methodist, Methodist! blah blah blah.....I was beginning to feel like I was in some other Baptist churches I've been to. I don't want to hear about your denomination....I want to hear about Jesus thank you! I'm so tired of the same old thing. Everywhere I go the focus seems to be off! Anyway, before I get off on that tangent...We sing a couple more songs and then my friend and I decided to just go ahead and leave. I had the worst attitude by that point anyway so it was pointless to stay. It is all my fault because I have such high expectations and they just aren't met. I'm not looking for a perfect church, though it may sound that way, I'm just looking for more! My friend Michelle and I were talking tonight that it is hard to put into words what we are looking for in a church. We just know that we've been a part of churches before who had it and we cannot settle for less. Once you've tasted the best it is so hard to accept anything less. I really don't feel that the Lord would want us to either. So....That is how the search has begun....Now I have to get back to the drawing board and decide which church is next. Not that this is entertaining, but I shall keep you (whoever "you" are) posted.

The Pursuit of Knowledge

So here is a question that I am most certain I will get reamed for. That is quite alright though because I'm really just chewing over it myself. I've been thinking for some time now that the cause of the fall of man was the temptation of achieving knowledge. To be exact it was to obtain the knowledge of good and evil and, therefore, become like God. So....if the pursuit of this is what led to the fall of man, wouldn't it be a warning sign to us of the same outcome. (Not that man can fall again but that the consequences are harsh and deadly.) Perhaps simply the knowledge of good and evil, or the loss of innocence, is the only thing that we are to protect ourselves from. I can't help thinking though that as scholars pursue more and more knowledge of doctrine and theology they become more and more in bondage to that knowledge. I'm not suggesting that we should simply toss out the pursuit of knowledge alltogether. After all, we would not be more than vegetables if that were the answer. Even a baby's movement is a gain in knowledge. Maybe what I am trying to say is that we should be careful in what knowledge we are pursuing. The Bible says that the "fear of the Lord is the begin of knowledge." I think that instead of striving for the perfect doctrine and spending hours debating and researching....we should simply put our efforts into growing in our knowledge of Him. Not doctrines about Him. Simply who He is. Learning about who He is from His Word alone is more beneficial and less costly than the pursuit of theological doctrines. It was the fishermen and the tax collectors that Jesus chose to use greatly.....not the scholars. The scholars were too busy in their pursuit of knowledge to be bothered by Jesus. They let the pursuit overtake the actual Truth sitting before them. I fear that we are at risk of this today. Be careful in your pursuits and make sure that the most effort is put into truly knowing Him not in understanding the rules or the theories.

The Church

I have a confession....I haven't been to church since February! I realize that it is not good to be out of the fellowship of believers and under the teaching of the Word. I'm just not so sure that what I want in a church exists. Here is the thing....I'm tired of the church as we know it. I don't believe that it is what Paul was talking about in the New Testament. I long for a small (very small), intimate, community of believers that can support and lift each other up. I think the house meetings they had during Paul's day was more of how church should be. It should be a place where we can feel free to admit sin in our lives, express freely the things burdening our hearts, and most importantly work together to share the Truth with others. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that churches today are ineffective or that they shouldn't be in existance the way they are. (Lord knows I heard enough of that CRAP at Seminary.) What I am saying is that I want more now. I long for more in a church and the body of believers I will minister with. I'm not sure that what my heart craves even exists. However, I guess I won't know until I go looking for it. For those who are searching as I am, I pray that you find the place where the Lord would have you to serve and to grow. For me, the search begins Sunday. I'll keep you posted.

A Quarter of a Century!!!

So a few things have happened within the last couple of weeks. First of all, I turned 25 on the 16th! I know my older friends will laugh at me, but it has been a hard one. Age is usually just a number to me, yet somehow this is different. I don't know why. I just know that I don't like it very much. Another thing that happened was that one of my best friends got married. My friend Tara is no longer a single woman. It seems to be a plague among my closest friends, and I can't seem to catch it! Just kidding! On another note, I seem to have lost a bit of the bitterness that I left seminary with. I'm still not to sure how I feel about certain things in the church and especially the SBC. However, I am not as hot headed when the topics come up! So I guess that is about all that is going on with me. I will write more later.

I See Things Upside Down

T-Shirts (what we should be known for)
(words and music by derek webb)
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars
of this curse that we all bare

they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs
they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn’t that why Jesus died
not to make us think we’re right

(chorus)
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it’s the how and it’s the why
we live and breathe and we die

they’ll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can’t seem to unify
because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style
or we’ll walk right down that aisle
and just leave ‘em all behind

they’ll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God’s words to cheap clichés
says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave

they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars
beneath these t-shirts that we wear

I love the lyrics of this song and the fact that I don't want to be a part of letting this be all they know us by!
Here's to breaking ties with picket lines and signs.....seems like a certain "association" sticks out. Sianara! Adios!
Because Love is what we should be known for!

Healing

I was reminded this week of what life was like for me before Seminary. I was reminded of the fact that there was someone responsible for stealing my joy. I was reminded that there is, in fact, something to look forward to. It is amazing to me how simple healing is sometimes. The right word or analogy can change a life in a split second. I remember before seminary a person that I loved. She was hopeful, joyful, innocent to a fault, trusting, outgoing, optimistic and so many other wonderful qualities. It was me! I remembered this week what it was like to walk in the intimacy that is ours for the taking. Not with a beloved, but with the Beloved! My relationship with the Father was more intimate than any relationship that I have ever known. I was confident in that intimacy to the point of looking like a fool. There were a few times where I was convinced that the Lord was using His creation to speak directly to me! I was reminded this week of what closeness those times brought. To think that the one who created the stars was using them to touch my heart was mind-blowing! Yet, I believe with all my heart that it happened. Somehow an unfortunate thing occurred.....I allowed a place and some people to take away these possibilities....To take away the intimacy. After all, who am I that God would choose to speak to me like that. Why would he bother? Surely, I had made it up. And how could I possibly know Him if I hadn't taken such and such a class...Or how could I possibly understand His word if I hadn't read the writings of the "Founding Fathers." Its amazing the different masks that the enemy wears.....He even wears some of our own. It sure didn't look like him when I was first looking. So, I forgot about the intimacy and in doing so.....I lost the only thing in life that I have to look forward to. The only thing that will never let me down in life is His love for me, His desire for my heart, and the intimacy that comes from knowing Him. I put up a fight for it all at first....Mostly out of innocence, but also because from what I've read in His word....I wasn't wrong. After a while I tired of it. Having it come from all sides just squashed me like a bug. I was screaming on the inside and did the worst possible thing......I shut down. I completely gave in to the weight of it all and took a hiatus on life. I left them all behind and crawled in a hole. I stopped pursuing a growing faith and settled for a simple truth that I believed the bible and that was enough for me. That is until now. When I remebered how sweet it was to have Him speak to me....Directly to me, so clearly, I knew that I had let it go and I wanted it back. So that is where I am and where I continually want to be, striving for the deepest intimacy that I can have with Him. Even now He speaks to my heart....Reminding me that He wants this too. By no means do I think He needs me to be intimate with Him.....Its even better....He wants me to! He has invited me to! There is nothing better in life than knowing that! For all of you who have prayed for me, I am inexpressibly grateful. You are all dear to my heart and I love you.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

Why I love the blogging

I was watching TV while my mom and I were eating at Arby's last night and was just appalled. It was frustrating that they had the thing on in the first place, and equally agitating that the volume was up so loud that you had no choice but to hear it! It was on a news show and the topic was just ridiculous. This is why I love blogging because I am able to say on here everything that I wanted to scream at that stupid TV. And this way there are actually people who "hear" it. So they were talking about a new invention that will allow consumers to buy a DVD system that filters the DVDs that they watch. It is much like the TV Guardian system in that it will not show scenes or allow language that the consumer desires not to have in their home. They had two men talking about it, one from each side. On one side was an "artist" who was complaining that this technology is being used to censor his art and should not be allowed to be sold to the public, as it is in violation of the first ammendment. The other side, of course, was someone from the company wanting to sell the product claiming that it is just a way to allow consumers to choose what they want to watch. The "artist" had the nerve to say that this could end up with people deciding they don't want to watch movies with jewish people or black people in it and in his overdramatics made it seem like it was a threat to society. The Other said that he was simply being ridiculous, as i agreed, and that it was not any different than people choosing to skip scenes. It was simply a way to make it easy so they wouldn't have to take that time to skip them because they were simply not being shown. The "artist" also mentioned that the people at home didn't have to watch the movies at all and the answer is simply for them not to bother with it. So....This is what I wanted to scream at the TV. The "artist" is missing the big picture......he would make MORE money in the long run because, with this invention in production, more people would buy these movies. It seems like these days the "artists" go for the shock value! It is unfortunate for them because without those particular scenes or that language, their movies usually have a really good plot or story line. For instance, the Matrix. The first Matrix was clean and had a good story and I was rather surprised that I liked it. So I went to see the second one and was just utterly shocked. Right in the middle of the movie was this really long out of place sex scene. It made me not want to watch the series anymore and when the third one came out I didn't even bother! If I had the contraption they are debating about...I might have bought the second and third one which would result in more money for the "artist." So thus I am free from the thoughts that flooded my brain and I am thankful for the release of them. On a side not though, I would be interested to know if movies that don't have that unecessary material in them make more money?? So...there you go for what its worth!

The Old Goat

The Old Goat is faithful
And sometimes sweet
But mostly he's ornery
And needs to be beat!

He's hairy and grumpy
And usually stinks.
He flakes and he sheds
And so slow when he thinks.

He makes me laugh
Because he's so funny.
He has the ability
To make grey skies sunny.

Today he's a year older
and worse for the wear.
For this Old Goat
I really do care!

I wrote this for my dad's 61st birthday on Wednesday the 27th of April.

Balance

I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that life is all about balance. How well you can balance determines how well you will fair here on earth. I'm not saying that if you maneuver well on that solid gymnastic beam that you have it together. I'm talking about the good and the bad, work and family, reality and fiction, and such as these. If this blogging were a "Full House" episode, the dramatic lesson at the end of the "plight" would simply be that life is learning to have balance in all that it offers and in all that is crammed down your throat. It seems simple enough in my mind, but is so difficult to actually put into practice.

Honesty

Life has become harder
I'm mostly weak
I find that lately
I just can't speak

I've lost that sparkle
I've misplaced the joy
Delight is foreign
and life is noise

I miss it all
I can't go back
There's nothing ahead
and energy, I lack

I miss myself
I miss the hope
I miss the innocense
that helped me cope

I mourn the certainty
and optimism I've lost
I hate the decisions
and the painful cost

I regret the knowing
I hate the "Tree"
For knowing the evil
has disheartened me

I'm momentarily defeated
and, at this moment, I care not
For these are my true feelings
and right now they're all I've got.

On the soapbox!

More words of wisdom from Corrie Ten Boom. "We [as Christians] can be led by spirit of criticism, just focusing on others' wrongs--however unorthodox they may be. Our hearts can be so ready for battle with those who think differently that it makes us gloomy....a spirit of criticism is always hard-hearted. Led by a spirit of criticism, we set ourselves up to judge felllow Christians who don't think the same way about the inspiration of the Bible, the gifts of the Spirit, or the Millennium. It doesn't help them and it doesn't help us." At times I want to scream this from the rooftops to my fellow Christians, there are also times when I need someone to scream this to my soul as well, for I have been guilty. I do not see division as an acceptable part of faith. The Bible is very clear about us being "one body" and "united in love." We constantly build up walls and He desperately wants us to tear them down. No good can come from them..it is useless to argue.

Reflection

I'm currently reading a book of broadcasts made by Corrie Ten Boom. The book is called "Messages of Gods Abundance." There have been several quotable statements in the book and so many that prick me to the heart. One of them is on reflection. She states, "A mirror doesn't have much to do. To do its job it just must hang or stand in the right direction. You and I don't have to do a great deal either. We need only to look to the Lord Jesus and He will make us like mirrors, and He does it so well! We don't need to strive and try to be a blessing but just look in the right direction. Then Jesus makes us a mirror of Himself... We are moons, not suns. The moon only reflects the light of the sun. We need only to reflect light, then we live to His glory." So....be a mirror! :)

Symphonic Port-o-potty!

I had an incredible evening tonight! I was able to hear the Fort Worth Symphony on the lawn at Botanical Gardens. It was also my first experience with a port-o-potty! (which is not necessarily incredible)It was interesting, however, because you could still hear the symphony while inside! That was a unique experience I must say! As if that wasn't humorous enough, I discovered that you don't flush port-o-pottys. Who knew!! (I'd like to say that I didn't look very long for a way to, but that would be a lie!) Anyway, enough of that...back to the orchestra! It was a night of Russian composers (including Tchaikovsky) and it was beautiful. The Lord blessed us with a nice breezy evening and, while the sun was still out, a beautiful sky! Whenever I experience events like that, especially spectacularly played music while being outside, I can't help but think about His creation! He didn't have to create such a vast and glorious sky. He didn't have to make it blue. He didn't have to fill it with fluffy clouds and a sunset. Yet, he did it anyway. He did it to remind us of Him! On top of that...He didn't have to create music....or a way of hearing it! He could have kept it all to Himself! Yet, He didn't! He allows us to enjoy it with Him! It blows my mind to think that He was listening and enjoying the sound of that orchestra just as I was. Perhaps, the part of the performance tonight that brought tears to my eyes, made His eyes tear up as well! After all, the music is for Him...all of our gifts and abilities are given to us as a display of His workmanship! How great is His love for us that we are allowed the honor of playing music, singing, painting, or writing for Him. The fact is...we are all gifted in some way. We all have abilities that are better developed than most. The only question is...what are you doing with them? Are you hoarding them for yourself or using them for selfish gain? Is it something you do to bring praise and adoration for yourself?? He longs for you to use it for Him. For those that sing...He delights in hearing you sing for Him. For those that tell great stories...tell stories that will bring Him joy to hear. For those that write...write words that will make a difference and allow Him to use those words to touch lives! I guess my thoughts can be summed up in this verse, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Communication!

I was reminded Sunday of one of my biggest frustrations. It drives me insane not to be able to communicate with someone. Every time that it happens I'm reminded of why we have different languages. It was the because of the people who were building the tower of Babel. (Genesis 11) In my opinion, and I know it is true because God thought of it, scattering them and confusing their language was the perfect consequence. It breaks my heart not to be able to talk with everyone that crosses my path. Sunday,in church, there was a hearing impaired family and I was heart-broken because I couldn't talk to them. I pray that I will learn to be aware of people and their needs and then allow God to use me to help meet those needs. I also pray that I will be willing to study, or do whatever necessary, to overcome the boundaries that may hinder the work that He wants to do. I think one way to show someone who speaks another language, even signing, that you care about them is by learning their language and speaking with them. Even if they speak you own language. Truly they will see the likeness of Christ when you take the time to be part of who they are and part of their culture.

Shopping with the pops!

If you don't know my father, which most of you don't, let me explain a little about him. He has just turned 60 years old and, amazing enough, still acts like he's 20! He served our country in the Vietnam war and came back twice; once with a bullet wound to the foot and the second time with shrapnel in his hip. Unfortunately, the latter wounding left him with a quite a bit of chronic pain and a slight limp. He is a funny little man. (I get my vertically challengedness from my father.) For those of you who know me and have seen my Cabbage Patch cheeks, they come from my father. He has them too, although his are a little droopier these days!(ha! Love you dad!) I mess with him and call him an oldfart and I really don't mean it, until I shop with him. Shopping with my father is quite the experience. It starts with the drive to the grocery store. I've lived in this town my entire life, and although I've had a few incidents of getting lost in this town recently, I know how to get to Winn Dixie! He must be repressing the 18 years that I lived here because he starts giving me directions on how to get there. He makes several comments on my ability to drive and says that I am going too fast and that it scares him. I give him partial credit on this matter because I was speeding, in spite of my recent ticket. I was doing 48 in a 45! Speeding, yes, scary driving, NO! (This from the man who once put a Porsche engine in a Voltswagon Bus so that it would go faster!) So we arrive at the Winn Dixie, FINALLY! Our first stop is the produce section. Every grocery shopping experience with my dad involves complaining about the prices! Except this time, I agree! I mention several times that we could get back in the car and drive to another, lower priced grocery store, but he refuses. We roam among the produce and are equally appalled at the price of bell peppers. Finally, we select the produce that we are willing to pay for and head down the regular aisles. And it begins...if there is a sale my dad feels the need to purchase it. It actually started with the cucumbers back in the produce section, they are three for a dollar. We have no need for three cucumbers, but because the sign said three for a dollar, he says we must get three! So, the whole time we are shopping I'm having to remind him that just because it is on sale doesn't mean we need it! There is another thing that my dad does while shopping that I just don't understand. For some odd reason he goes up and down every aisle! Today I said to him, as we headed down the baking goods aisle,"Dad, do you need any baking goods?" He said he didn't and when I asked him why we went up and down aisles that shelve items we don't need, he just said that it was part of his routine! Aaaggghhh! So, we finish the routine of shopping and finally get to the checkout. Wouldn't you know the sales weren't ringing up correctly and the clerk had to void everything and start over. I bagged our stuff and, after he paid the extremely high priced total, we headed out the door. The clencher of it all...my father looks at me and says, "we should have gone to Food World!" Hmmm....why didn't I think of that????? Oh how I love that crazy man!

The Preferred Community

My sweet home here in Alabama is nestled in the best city ever, self titled, "the preferred community"! Prattville, Alabama is where I have lived for the majority of my life and I absolutely love it! It is the perfect size and we have just about anything that you could want. (Except for something to do on the weekend that doesn't cost money!) It is a wonderful place for families. A funny thing happened today though. I have been a resident of Prattville since I was five years old. It has changed a lot over the years but, for the most part, is still pretty much the same. Well, today I went to get my dad's car fixed at Gilmore Ford here in Prattville because a part was recalled on it. So I head out and drive to where I think the car dealership is located. Turns out, Gilmore Ford isn't where I thought it was...I had driven to Larry Pucket Chevrolet! Now, how is it that I can live somewhere for so long and forget where things are. Granted, Prattville is a big, growing, city but it is not big enough to forget where things are. These businesses have been around longer than I have been here. Although they have relocated it was over ten years ago that they moved to the new locations! So, here is my question, am I alone in this??? Has anyone else gotten lost in their own home town!?

Sweet Home Alabama

I must say that Lynard Skynard may not have much to say in life, but he stated well the truth. Sweet home Alabama, where the skies, really are, soooo blue! It is good to be here! Its amazing to me that no matter where I move to and no matter how well I fit in there, this is always home! I love it here. The trees are greener, and they actually exist naturally (unlike Texas!), the sky is bluer, and the birds, I swear, sing sweeter! *sigh* I love it! Now I know that we have a bad rep amongst the other states and I maintain that if you experience it yourself you will see they are all wrong. Our accent doesn't mean we're stupid and the laid back atmosphere that is part of our culture does not mean we are slow. We are a people who realize that people matter! You stand in line at Wal-mart and by the time you are ready to leave you will have at least one new friend! For those who mock, and I know you will, I say, don't speak on matters which you don't know, unless you are willing to openly give it a try! So come on down, or over, or up for that matter, and find out what good ole Lynard sings about so proudly! (It is not every state that has its own anthem!)