It started like any other day. I woke up even though I didn't want to, got ready for school and headed out the door. That is where the normality of October 18, 1996 ended. It was ended by a white ford ranger. Ten years ago I was in an accident that I should not have been able to walk away from. I was broadsided (on my side of the car) by a truck. He was going 55 mph (in a 25mph zone) and I was barely going 5 mph. I woke up after being hit, cut off the radio (which I always thought was weird) and found myself facing the direction I had just come from. I had been spun several times by the impact of the blow. A man ran up to my window and asked if I was okay...I asked him if I could get out of the car...he told me I had glass in my ear, and then he removed it for me. Of course, it all felt like a dream. The damage from the crash completely totaled my car. I walked away from the accident with a bruised hip from where the door smashed in on me, scratches on my neck from the seatbelt I was wearing and a sore neck from being smacked upside the head at 55 mph!
My wreck has been on my mind all day long. I've thought over and over about what all has happened to me in the last ten years. I've met some amazing people and some I'd rather have not met. I have seen beautiful places here in my country and in two other countries. I've had the opportunity to be used by Him to change the lives of those around me...and I've chosen to miss opportunities to change lives. There are many things I'm proud of in those ten years. Yet I am not proud of where I am today. I hit a few bumps the road. Each bump was medium in impact, yet each chiseled away slowly at my core. The last bump proved to be too much for me. I feel the enemy won those battles. So today, I think to myself, should be a day of change. No longer will I allow myself to dwell in the heaviness of disappointments. I cannot keep this snail-like pace of getting back to where I must be. I have a purpose that I am reminded of when I think of that wreck. My life could have easily been taken. I've known that the Lord wants to use me in a big way....but I'm always holding myself back. I wish that I could say that I'm ready to "dive in" today, but I'm not. I am ready, however, for change. I'm ready to live with a purpose. I'm ready to get back to the mentality that life is simply opportunity for ministry everyday. I want to be able to say, at then end of the next decade, that I did my best to live God's purpose for my life. I want to be a servant. I want to be known as a servant. I want to have the heart of Jesus and the drive of Martha and the passion of Peter with the humility of David and the ability to teach like Paul. I pray that I do not live defeated. Father, help me not to live defeated. I know You are not done with me and I'm so thankful for the reminder!
2 comments:
yay! keep blogging so everyone can keep up with you. It's good to see a post from you.
You wrote this over a year ago, and I know we have had basically no contact in more than ten years. But, before you are too hard on yourself, I'll remind you again of the person you were when I first met you. Most kids at 11 years old are pretty self centered and selfish. You were the total opposite. You were willing to be friends with the kid no one else liked. The new kid who talked funny, wore funny clothes and didn't like any of the normal things. You reached out to me and made one of the hardest years of my life easier and more bearable. Thank you so much for what you did. You helped me more than you can possibly guess.
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